how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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