You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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