i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
