Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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