So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
