That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
