At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
