I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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