When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
