She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
