dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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