after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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