You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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