she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Couch. On fire.
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