I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
