batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
