This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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