Your dad touched me again.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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