you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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