What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
