i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
