Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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