I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
A+ Viking dick
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
