She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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