the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
