She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
