If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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