The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
