He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How does it feel to date your dad?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
