return my video game
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
