i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
