I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
