idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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