Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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