my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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