Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
