I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
