In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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