sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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