Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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