New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
ttyl tear gas
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
