But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
