He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
