bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Randomize
