Say something about gay babies.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
