I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize