What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
