you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
