i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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