How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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