Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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