im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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