season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Ladies don't puke and tell
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
