Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
