thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
