A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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