Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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