I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
