I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
