PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
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I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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