I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Every concussion has its silver lining
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Vodka?
Forever.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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